Thursday, February 08, 2007


Spankos Meeting Spankos, Chapter One

The story begins like any ordinary dinner party. It was about seven years ago, so Maribel had just started high school and Colette was about seven. We bribed the girls to spend the evening in the guest house with pizza, cookies, ice cream, and a selection of movies that I would not watch even if it were my job. Since I consider myself a competent cook, Angela made the evening meal so that, in her words, “Billie and Ben won’t be poisoned.” Sometimes I can truly relate to Rodney Dangerfield. The couple arrived, we enjoyed some excellent food (fortunately, Angela is quite talented in the kitchen, too), and engaged in lively conversation. After dinner, we retired to the living room in front of the fire place to enjoy a nice bottle of wine that our guests were considerate enough to bring.

After finishing our wine, we moved to the game room on the third floor of the converted barn that we call home to commence the card game. We decided to play euchre because I hate playing hearts and no one felt smart enough to play anything more difficult. We decided that we would rotate partners after each game, and then, to make the game a little more interesting, I suggested a small wager. That was my first mistake.

Now, I did not make this suggestion so that I could earn some extra college cash for the girls, or to pay for a Caribbean cruise. Rather, I figured that perhaps we could toss in a penny for each point that a team lost, and maybe a nickel if you were set. I also floated the idea of some sort of non-monetary stakes, such as a pizza dinner or a car wash. Billie indicated that she had a good idea for something we could play for. Being a good host, I allowed my guest to put forth her suggestion. That was my second mistake.

Billie said, “Why don’t we play for spankings?”

If I would have had a mouthful of wine at the time, I would have grossly sprayed it all over my lovely wife and her friends. Firstly, why did this woman make such an outrageous offer? Second, did Angela confide our spanko affiliation with this lady whom I had just met? Was this person, as a guest in our house, making fun of us? I was simply aghast. I glanced over at Ben, expecting a similarly shocked countenance.

Ben’s expression had hardly changed. He just shrugged, like this was a pretty ordinary statement to come out of his wife’s mouth. Now I was really confused? Could it be that … but no, I was allowing my imagination to get carried away. I could not believe that my darling wife would invite another couple over without telling me that they were spankos, and then be willing to engage in the practice with them socially. That was mistake number three. However, in this game, after three strikes at least you were not out.

Angela, without hesitation, responded, “Sounds good to me!” She looked at me with a smile and asked, “How about you, honey?” What could I say? Despite my startlement, I was still, after all, a Spanko. I assented.

Angela rose and said, “I’ll go get a paddle.”

Billie shouted back at her, “Bring a real one! None of that sissy leather crap or wussy ping pong paddles. I want real wood!” Either this woman was a hard-core spanko or she was completely nuts.

In the next installment, we find out just how nuts Billie and Ben are.

I haven't played euchre in YEARS! A little bit after college, but mostly during (instead of classes).

And it sort of places your imaginary place of residence as I remember the game being very localized.

Mostly we played Sheepshead, which is a tad more complicated and usually requires a good buzz to learn. Newbies would be instructed to sit around the perimeter and drink heavily while us 'pros' showed them how the game was played.

Sheepshead was definitely the 'man's' game, meant for long nights of serious drinking while euchre was for between (and during skipped) classes. Alas, I never played either for spankings although that could have been infinitely more fun in mixed company!

Can't wait for the next installment.

My Freind Dave -

I have played euchre before college, during college, after college, and other times in-between. I was not aware whether or not it is a regional game, but, then again, I am not that worldly.

I have never played sheepshead. My grandfather once made haggis in one, so that is the extent of my exposure.

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