Saturday, October 28, 2006
A Plea For Your Help
A short while back, I chanced upon a spanking-related blog where the young lady writer was bemoaning her lack of personal funds. To relieve her burden, she asked her loyal readers for donations to her personal coffer. When I first read this, I smiled to myself and assumed that the dear girl might collect a sum modest enough to perhaps buy a few cocktails and not much more. As things turned out, I was wrong.
The young lady was able to take in a cool one-thousand dollars or so!
Since there are obviously so many kind and generous people who frequent personal sites of a spanking nature, I decided that this would be an excellent income opportunity for everyone’s favorite imaginary spanko. Therefore…….
Oh, woe! I find myself in a state of financial despair. You see, when my two wonderful daughters have graduated from college, I had planned on a comfortable retirement in a warm climate for myself and my darling wife. I was planning on a large house on a beach or a bluff overlooking the ocean. So that I would have more time to work for my favorite charity (me), I will need some household help, say a cook, a housecleaner, and a personal secretary. And since I am a person of an exploring nature, I had planned on being able to travel frequently to learn the secrets of far-off places, such as Aruba, the French Riviera, or Tahiti.
Alas, when last reviewing my current monetary situation, and calculating my likely income over the next few years, it seems quite impossible that I will be able to afford even a simple lifestyle such as I have described above. Therefore, I am asking, nay, I am begging, you, my loyal readers, to assist me in an endeavor to acquire the funds for this very practical and necessary living arrangement.
Here’s how you can help. Please send me money. Anything that you can afford would be greatly appreciated. However, to simplify my accounting, and since I need to gather a considerable amount of cash, I am asking that donations be at least $10,000, or more if possible. I will accept money orders, cashier’s checks (no personal checks), or cash (small bills only). I shall also be setting up an imaginary PayPal account. I can even set up a recurring donation where I go to your checking account on a monthly basis and withdraw whatever amount that I may need at that time. Due to unreasonable government regulations (imagine Uncle Sam not considering my family a charitable institution), your donation will not be tax deductible. But I’m sure that the good will that you will gain will be well worth your expense.
To contribute, please send your donation to:
The Spanko Retirement Fund
P.O. Box 77345
Yesimkidding, Montana 90901.
All contributors will receive a certified certificate, signed by yours truly, printed on 100% authentic white printer paper, as a thank-you for your wonderful assistance.
Because of logistical concerns, I’m afraid that there can be absolutely no refunds.
So please prepare your gift to the Spanko Retirement Fund today. I promise, it will make you feel absolutely fantastic.
And now, if you will please excuse me, I must take my leave. I have to answer an inquiry regarding a bridge that I am offering for sale in California…………
The young lady was able to take in a cool one-thousand dollars or so!
Since there are obviously so many kind and generous people who frequent personal sites of a spanking nature, I decided that this would be an excellent income opportunity for everyone’s favorite imaginary spanko. Therefore…….
Oh, woe! I find myself in a state of financial despair. You see, when my two wonderful daughters have graduated from college, I had planned on a comfortable retirement in a warm climate for myself and my darling wife. I was planning on a large house on a beach or a bluff overlooking the ocean. So that I would have more time to work for my favorite charity (me), I will need some household help, say a cook, a housecleaner, and a personal secretary. And since I am a person of an exploring nature, I had planned on being able to travel frequently to learn the secrets of far-off places, such as Aruba, the French Riviera, or Tahiti.
Alas, when last reviewing my current monetary situation, and calculating my likely income over the next few years, it seems quite impossible that I will be able to afford even a simple lifestyle such as I have described above. Therefore, I am asking, nay, I am begging, you, my loyal readers, to assist me in an endeavor to acquire the funds for this very practical and necessary living arrangement.
Here’s how you can help. Please send me money. Anything that you can afford would be greatly appreciated. However, to simplify my accounting, and since I need to gather a considerable amount of cash, I am asking that donations be at least $10,000, or more if possible. I will accept money orders, cashier’s checks (no personal checks), or cash (small bills only). I shall also be setting up an imaginary PayPal account. I can even set up a recurring donation where I go to your checking account on a monthly basis and withdraw whatever amount that I may need at that time. Due to unreasonable government regulations (imagine Uncle Sam not considering my family a charitable institution), your donation will not be tax deductible. But I’m sure that the good will that you will gain will be well worth your expense.
To contribute, please send your donation to:
The Spanko Retirement Fund
P.O. Box 77345
Yesimkidding, Montana 90901.
All contributors will receive a certified certificate, signed by yours truly, printed on 100% authentic white printer paper, as a thank-you for your wonderful assistance.
Because of logistical concerns, I’m afraid that there can be absolutely no refunds.
So please prepare your gift to the Spanko Retirement Fund today. I promise, it will make you feel absolutely fantastic.
And now, if you will please excuse me, I must take my leave. I have to answer an inquiry regarding a bridge that I am offering for sale in California…………
Comments:
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Mean-spirited posts like this are probably one reason why people wouldn't help you, if you had a crisis.
just sayin'.
just sayin'.
I have a nigerian bank account that I cannot access and I need your help! If you send me $50 I will send you two billion dollars in return :)
Seriously I love your blog Great sense of humor
Brushstrokes
Seriously I love your blog Great sense of humor
Brushstrokes
# posted by 
: November 04, 2006 7:04 PM
: November 04, 2006 7:04 PM
Actually, O, I don't think this post was mean-spirited at all. The spirit of the piece was humorous, with a touch of justified incredulity. In other words, this was pure satire - something sorely missing in a blogosphere full of people taking themselves far too seriously. I, for one, had a good laugh while reading Frank's piece.
.... and besides, if an imaginary person had an imaginary crisis, only other imaginary people could be of assistance them.
Thank-you, Auntie, for coming to my defense. You are a wise old Auntie, indeed.
Regards.
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Thank-you, Auntie, for coming to my defense. You are a wise old Auntie, indeed.
Regards.
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