Friday, March 02, 2007
A Smoking Spanko?
Being the man of the house (actually the only man in the house, unless you count the dog, which I don’t), one of my traditional tasks is to take out the garbage. That involves dumping the litter boxes, gathering the recycling, and emptying the waste baskets. This is, by family decree, the only time that I am allowed to, without express written permission from the commissioner or his representative, enter the bedroom of my youngest daughter.
I am not, by nature a snoop. If my children are going to try to hide something from their parents, they’re still dumb enough to find a way to give themselves away. I don’t need to dig through their undies drawer. However, to avoid even the smallest chance of conflict, I usually deal with the waste baskets whilst Colette is at school, as I usually work from home.
This past week, while doing my garbage duty, I chanced to glimpse something disturbing in Colette’s trash. I investigated further and discovered an empty, crumpled package of cigarettes.
Now, I do not smoke, nor does my wife. I may not be militant about it, but I find the habit filthy and disgusting. I also do not know why anyone would have any desire to suck burning, poisonous ash into one’s lungs. There is enough pollutant in our air without intentionally inhaling more crud. As such, I am adamant that my children will not smoke.
Such was my concern that, rather than awaiting Angela’s return from work, I decided to confront Colette as soon as she returned from school. As soon as she walked into the house and divested herself of her book bag, I addressed her.
“Young lady,” I began, “I found an empty package of cigarettes in your bedroom waste basket today.”
“I know,” she responded, nonchalantly. This rattled me somewhat, as I expected a much more confrontational rejoinder.
“Colette, I will not have my children smoking! It is a filthy, disgusting…….”
“Daddy, I don’t smoke. Yuck!”
“Then, why exactly, was there an empty package of cigarettes in your waste basket?”
“Because I was using them on my plants.”
I had not anticipated this. What good would a cigarette do for a plant? Was she trying to kill it from lung cancer? Make it’s leaves yellow and stinky? I posed this question to my youngest.
Her response: “One of the TAs at school (Teaching Assistant for those of you without children) told me that, if you soak cigarettes in water and then spray that water on plants, it will kill the bugs on them.”
“Dear, that is preposterous,” I stated.
“No it’s not. I looked it up on the internet to make sure.”
Skeptical, I insisted that she show me this particular internet verification. Sure enough, she showed me several gardening web sites that mentioned just such a trick. However, there was still a crucial question that needed to be addressed.
“OK, so, since you are not yet eighteen years of age, where did you get a package of cigarettes?”
“Maribel bought them for me when she was home over Christmas.”
“Maribel bought you cigarettes?”
“Well, yeah. I knew that you wouldn’t buy them. When I showed her that stuff on the internet, she had no problem with it.”
Once again, my family was conspiring to send their father to an early grave. I explained to Colette that if she was going to bring substances like tobacco into the house in the future, to please discuss it with one of her parents first, and then I dismissed her.
When Angela arrived home, I asked her if she knew about Colette’s choice of pesticides. “Oh, yes,” she responded. “She told me about it a few weeks ago. I told her that she didn’t need them because she didn’t have bugs on her plants, but she wanted them just in case. Didn’t I mention it to you?”
I assured her that she hadn’t, then I excused myself so that I could be alone in the guest house, where I played some music quite loudly, opened myself one of my crafted beers, and spent a few minutes trying to convince myself that I did not need to pound my head against a rock.
So now the question becomes, should I spank Angela for her omission, or should she spank me for doubting the morality of my children? I shall spend some time pondering it. In the meantime, I am truly grateful that my daughters do not smoke. That is something that definitely would not be fantastic.
I am not, by nature a snoop. If my children are going to try to hide something from their parents, they’re still dumb enough to find a way to give themselves away. I don’t need to dig through their undies drawer. However, to avoid even the smallest chance of conflict, I usually deal with the waste baskets whilst Colette is at school, as I usually work from home.
This past week, while doing my garbage duty, I chanced to glimpse something disturbing in Colette’s trash. I investigated further and discovered an empty, crumpled package of cigarettes.
Now, I do not smoke, nor does my wife. I may not be militant about it, but I find the habit filthy and disgusting. I also do not know why anyone would have any desire to suck burning, poisonous ash into one’s lungs. There is enough pollutant in our air without intentionally inhaling more crud. As such, I am adamant that my children will not smoke.
Such was my concern that, rather than awaiting Angela’s return from work, I decided to confront Colette as soon as she returned from school. As soon as she walked into the house and divested herself of her book bag, I addressed her.
“Young lady,” I began, “I found an empty package of cigarettes in your bedroom waste basket today.”
“I know,” she responded, nonchalantly. This rattled me somewhat, as I expected a much more confrontational rejoinder.
“Colette, I will not have my children smoking! It is a filthy, disgusting…….”
“Daddy, I don’t smoke. Yuck!”
“Then, why exactly, was there an empty package of cigarettes in your waste basket?”
“Because I was using them on my plants.”
I had not anticipated this. What good would a cigarette do for a plant? Was she trying to kill it from lung cancer? Make it’s leaves yellow and stinky? I posed this question to my youngest.
Her response: “One of the TAs at school (Teaching Assistant for those of you without children) told me that, if you soak cigarettes in water and then spray that water on plants, it will kill the bugs on them.”
“Dear, that is preposterous,” I stated.
“No it’s not. I looked it up on the internet to make sure.”
Skeptical, I insisted that she show me this particular internet verification. Sure enough, she showed me several gardening web sites that mentioned just such a trick. However, there was still a crucial question that needed to be addressed.
“OK, so, since you are not yet eighteen years of age, where did you get a package of cigarettes?”
“Maribel bought them for me when she was home over Christmas.”
“Maribel bought you cigarettes?”
“Well, yeah. I knew that you wouldn’t buy them. When I showed her that stuff on the internet, she had no problem with it.”
Once again, my family was conspiring to send their father to an early grave. I explained to Colette that if she was going to bring substances like tobacco into the house in the future, to please discuss it with one of her parents first, and then I dismissed her.
When Angela arrived home, I asked her if she knew about Colette’s choice of pesticides. “Oh, yes,” she responded. “She told me about it a few weeks ago. I told her that she didn’t need them because she didn’t have bugs on her plants, but she wanted them just in case. Didn’t I mention it to you?”
I assured her that she hadn’t, then I excused myself so that I could be alone in the guest house, where I played some music quite loudly, opened myself one of my crafted beers, and spent a few minutes trying to convince myself that I did not need to pound my head against a rock.
So now the question becomes, should I spank Angela for her omission, or should she spank me for doubting the morality of my children? I shall spend some time pondering it. In the meantime, I am truly grateful that my daughters do not smoke. That is something that definitely would not be fantastic.
Comments:
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I think you should give Angela a smokin' hot spanking!
(she could do the same for you, of course,...butt, I don't think it would change your ways. I think it's quite okay to check the garbage..You're doing the right thing, and the concern you show, is not only to be commended, it instills a good model for your children. I think your dearheart should have told you about the Plant Poison....It's certainly something I never heard of!
Cheers, all round! Now, tell Angela to ready herself for that spanking! (lol!)
btw: the "butt" mis-spelling, (above) was on purpose.
Carry on.
bottomsUp! ^_^
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(she could do the same for you, of course,...butt, I don't think it would change your ways. I think it's quite okay to check the garbage..You're doing the right thing, and the concern you show, is not only to be commended, it instills a good model for your children. I think your dearheart should have told you about the Plant Poison....It's certainly something I never heard of!
Cheers, all round! Now, tell Angela to ready herself for that spanking! (lol!)
btw: the "butt" mis-spelling, (above) was on purpose.
Carry on.
bottomsUp! ^_^
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